Kimberley O’Brien, Chicago Drama Queen: SPACE MOUNTAIN FOR REAL THIS TIME YOU GUYS!!

Sorry about last night but Madison was throwing a FIT and she had to go outside like RIGHT NOW and she wanted to make sure that everyone in the building – and everyone in CHICAGO, for that matter – knows that Kimberley O’Brien is a bad, abusive doggie mommy, LOL!!!!!

So like I was saying Kevin and Miranda and I were at Disney world and I turned to Kevin and I was like you know what, Kevin I am SOOOO glad I never had kids because I would have had to take them here like every summer and the LINES ARE SO long and it’s SOOO hot and I think that’s a case of parent abuse!  I’m serious!  Everywhere we went there were screaming kids in princess costumes and sad, tired looking parents following them around and waiting in lines. And they were ALL throwing tantrums!  ALL OF THEM!!! It was SO insane!

We decided that we were all going to go on Space Mountain.  I’ve heard that ride is SO fun but I’ve also heard that it’s like really scary and that people try to kill themselves on it and do all kinds of stupid things so I was kind of scared, too – but then I didn’t want Kevin to think I was scared.  After all, what would he think if the Chicago divorce lawsuit queen was scared of a silly ride at a theme park, RIGHT?

So we got in line and waited.  And waited.  And waited.

We waited for AN HOUR to get on that ride!  AND IT WAS SOOOO WORTH IT OH MY GOD IT WAS SO FUN YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!

It was all dark and fast and there were these great little mannequins in these adorably campy space costumes and the lights were flashing and Kevin was yelling “WOO HOOO” and even old stick in the mud “Miranda” was all, “YAY!” and we had so much fun that when the ride stopped we all ran back to the line and stood in it again for another hour just to ride on it more!

Space mountain is Kimberley O’Brien’s new favorite thing ever.  I mean it.  I like it better than Kevin’s Chicago chili cheese fries and I might even like it better than dancing in the park in Chicago with Madison but don’t you DARE tell her that or I’ll file a lawsuit against you, LOL!

But I’m serious. It’s really fun.

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Kimberley O’Brien: Chicago Lawsuit Queen in SPACE!!!!!

 

 

Kimberley O’Brien Chicago Lawsuit Queen: SPACE MOUNTAIN YOU GUYS!!!!

Okay you guys so after we went to Epcot Center Kevin and his girlfriend – you know what, I’ll just call her “Miranda” from now on because she reminds me so much of Miranda and that way I can talk all kinds of smack about her and she can’t be like “I’m going to file a lawsuit against you Kimberley O’Brien” because all I have to do is say, “What, Miranda? I wasn’t writing about you, GIRL!  I was writing about this other Miranda that I know and that totally isn’t you and just happened to be at Disney World at the same time as you!” and then she won’t be able to say anything and I can write whatever I want!  Kimberley O’Brien is SO BAD, YOU GUYS!! But anyway, the day after Kevin and “Miranda” and I went to Epcot we decided to go to Disney World.  We figured, well, we’re in Florida, right? It’s almost like a law that you have to go to Disney World or they can like put you on trial or file a lawsuit against you or something.

So, we went to Disney world. WHAT. A. MISTAKE.

Okay, so first of all, there’s NO alcohol.  Or, I guess there is but it’s in the fancy restaurants and Kevin and I were trying to keep costs down so we just ate at the snack bars or whatever.  But seriously: No alcohol.  No margaritas or fancy beers or cute little umbrella drinks!  Nothing!  Just Diet Coke in overpriced souvenir cups.  IT was SO SAD, you guys!!

Oh, just thinking about that abuse of a perfectly good opportunity for fancy umbrella drinks makes Kimberley O’Brien want to file a lawsuit against somebody!  And I haven’t even told you about the crowds – or the lines.  Oh, I think I hear Madison barking so I’ll have to finish this tomorrow morning!

Love from SEXXY SEXXY CHICAGO, Kimberley  O’Brien

Kimberley O’Brien: Chicago Lawsuit Queen in Disney World

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS DISNEYWORLD was SO MUCH FUN!! Seriously, if you EVER want to get out of Chicago or Detroit or Tulsa or wherever else you live and go have some serious fun you should TOTALLY check out Disneyworld.  Epcot Center is really great, and it’s one of those cases where there’s almost too much to do there.  Kevin and his girlfriend and I only planned to spend a day there but by the time we got about halfway around we decided to change our plans around a little so we could see more stuff.  And to me, one of the best parts of Epcot is that YOU CAN DRINK YOU GUYS!!! I’m SO serious!  There’s alcohol at almost every country and it’s pretty good, too. It’s not bud lite or whatever abusively bad American beer that people drink in the south – there’s really nice stuff there – stuff that you’d buy for your clients after winning a lawsuit or a big court case.

I’m totally not joking!  Here’s just a partial list of some of the AMAZING booze we drank at EPCOT:

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Look out, Japan! Kimberley O’Brien is gonna drink ALL of your sake!! Woo!!!

In the “Japan” section Kevin and I drank little plastic champagne glasses of sparkling sake!  Sparkling sake is like regular sake but served cold and mixed with champagne or something so it’s SO bubbly!  And it comes in these cute little frosty pink bottles, you guys!  I’m serious when I say that I felt like Carrie Bradshaw when I drank my first little glass of that stuff!  Kevin didn’t like it as much as I did and his girlfriend didn’t try it at all.  She reminds me of Miranda on Sex in the City – she’s kind of uptight and she’s not really about trying new things and that’s kind of the same way that Kevin’s girlfriend acts. But oh well, it’s her loss if she doesn’t want to try fruity drinks.  Kimberley O’Brien isn’t exactly going to file a lawsuit.  Being boring isn’t a crime, LOL!

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Kimberley O’Brien is TOTALLY buying a dirndl when she gets back to Chicago! And I’m gonna buy a matching one for Madison! We’ll have our very own Oktoberfest!!!!

 

We also drank GREAT beer in the Germany part of town and then we had these AMAZING margaritas in the Mexico section where they had this nice little restaurant that felt SO elegant and fancy that I felt like Kevin and I and Miranda could have been back home in Chicago  dining at some pricy little Gold Coast restaurant!  We also stopped for lunch in the Morocco section and the food was all so good that we just asked them to bring us a bunch of appetizers and desserts to share!  We are SO bad, you guys!  I can’t believe how much I ate and drank!!  Look out Disneyworld – Kimberley O’Brien is putting her diet on TRIAL!!! Madison and I are going to have to do SO MUCH DANCING when I get home or I’ll never fit into my court case/lawsuit clothes again, LOL!!!!

 

 

Kim O’Brien: Goodbye, Chicago and HELLO DISNEYWORLD

Sex and the City of Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

I get on the plane for DISNEYWORLD TOMORROW YOU BITCHES! LOL! I AM SO EXCITED AND KEVIN AND HIS GILDFRIEND ARE GOING TO PICK ME UP IN THE MORNING AND WE’LL SHARE A CAB TO O’HARE AND THEN IT’S COSMOS AND FRUITY DRINKS WITH UMBRELLAS IN THEM FOR FOUR WHOLE DAYS YOU GUYS! I’m going to miss my MADISON though! I’m so emotionally torn apart by this and stuff because I don’t want to leave my doggie but I do want to go to DISNEYWORLD WITH KEVIN AND HIS GIRLFRIEND TOO! OMG THIS IS ALL SO MUCH! LOL! THERE IS TOO MUCH GOING THROUGH MY POOR HEAD ALL AT THE SAME TIME YOU GUYS! LOL! I’M AFRAID THAT MY POOR BRAIN IS GOING TO GO POP! LOL!

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this is Kim O’Brien’s brain on Disneyworld!! LOL!! it’s gonna explode!!!

THE definitive Sex and the City movie and it IS SEX AND THE CITY CHICAGO! GRRRRR!

Sex in Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

I am getting SUPER SUPER EXCITED about this Florida trip even though it takes me out of my AMAZING Chicago home. Did I tell you that I’m taking all of my SJPs? O, I AM TOTALLY TAKING ALL OF MY SJP’s! LOL! Or, all of the ones that I don’t have on display in my condo that is, but that’s still each style that they even make so technically it IS all of the SJPs! LOL! If I could have one wish, it would be for Sarah Jessica Parker to go shoe shopping with me! LOL! That would be SO FUN! And then while we’re tring on shoes that cost more than some people’s CARS I could totally tell her about our Sex and the City CHICAGO! Script and then I bet that she would read it and OF COURSE she would love it because that’s all that it would take for Sarah Jessica Parker to really love our script would be is if she actually got a chance to read it because it is so good that it speaks for itself and stuff! Oh Sarah Jessica Parker! I wish that you had friendlier assistants or whatever it is that you have because they are keeping you from making THE definitive Sex and the City movie and it IS SEX AND THE CITY CHICAGO! GRRRRR! Stupid secretaries that don’t show people REALLY GOOD MOVIE scripts when they get them in the mail and in the email and on the fax machines and in the mail and all of that and instead just probably throw them away when they get them instead of showing them to Sarah Jessica Parker make me almost as mad as the stupid lawyers at my stupid firm that think they’re SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE BT THEY’RE REALLY JUST SLAVES AND THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW IT! GRRR!!! I NEED A COSMO!

Kevin’s cat + Madison = ?????

Sex in Chicago
By Kimberley O’Brien
I’ve been watching Animal Planet lately and I think that cats are SUPER CUTE but I don’t think that Madison would get along with a cat but I think that I still might want one anyway and then I could you know, teach Madison how to get along with it and stuff? Kevin has a cat and he said that he’d bring her over later to see how Madison reacts to her but I already know that Madison is going to go APE DOODY! Because she is a HUNTER DOG! LOL! She is SO FIERCE and PROTECTIVE AND STUFF that OF COURSE SHE’S Going to want to go after that cat because she’s going to think that Mommy is in danger from that cat and stuff and I don’t want Kevin’s cat to get hurt so I’m thinking about calling the whole thing off. Kevin will think I’m crazy, I know it. He thinks that Madison is just a big dough ball or something. He calls her Mommy’s Little Butter Face and I’m not sure if that’s an insult or what but Madison doesn’t know either so I don’t know if it really matters or not if it is. You know what I mean? Let Kevin Anderson have his stupid fun calling my doggie names. He doesn’t get the privilege of living with the best, most beautiful doggy in the whole world and rat’s my Madison! LOL!

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Maybe Madison will get along with a cat. This picture is ADORABLE!

Kimberley O’Brien: Chicago has the BEST cheeseburgers

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

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OHMYGOD YOU GUYS these are SO Good! Kim O’Brien is a SLAVE to cheeseburgers!!!!

I LOVE cheeseburgers! And Chicago has the BEST cheeseburgers in the whole country you guys and that’s the TRUTH! There’s a place called Gabe’s right down he street and they make these cheeseburgers that I am a TOTAL slave for but they’re not that big or anything but they’re SO GOOD IT’S CRAZY YOU GUYS! They do cheeseburgers the traditional Chicago way where it’s just meat and bread and cheese and pickles and mustard like a brat or whatever. THEYRE SO GOOD THOUGH YOU WON’T EVEN BELIEVE IT! I suspect that their hamburger is really bacon meat or something. I’ve had it where people do that and they do that all of the time like where they grind up bacon in their hamburger and then you have a bacon hamburger? IT IS SCRUMPTIOUS!!! Another place that makes an AMAZING bacon burger jut like that is this brewery type place downtown here that I don’t quite remember the name of… ERRRRR!!! IT SUCKS GETTING OLD YOU GUYS CAUSE I CAN’T REMEMBER STUFF AS WELL AS I USED TO BE ABLE TO AND THAT SUCKS SO BAD! I should start writing everything that I know now, and then I can go back and reference it when I forget what it was and stuff. Getting old is a total trial on my PATIENCE you guys. I bet Madison remembers the name of that place. They made her a doggy cheeseburger and she ATE IT ALL UP SUPER DUPER FAST! My Madison is a VERY fast eater when it comes to cheeseburgers. LIKE MOMMY LIKE DOGGY! LOL!

 

stupid lawyer SLAVES!

Sex in Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

I had to go to trial today but luckily I was only administrating and stuff. Sometimes I like to be he center of attention (SHUT UP YOU BITCHES! LOL!)  but today I just didn’t feel like it, you know? It’s just that sometimes I just want to be left alone but sometimes people won’t let me be left alone cause they just got to talk and talk like stupid lawyer SLAVES! But that wasn’t the case today because nobody bothered me or anything and everything went exactly like I’d hoped it would and we were in and out of there before anybody could say Chicago judges smell funny, lol!

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Kim O’Brien: Slave to Chicago judges!

 

CHICAGO! YOU’RE MY CITY AND YOU KNOW IT

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

Epcot Center is going to be AMAZING! I AM A TOTAL SLAVE FOR STUPID DISNEY STUFF! YOU KNOW IT! I’m almost as much of a total slave for Disney stuff now as I am a total salve for all things CHICAGO! YOU’RE MY CITY AND YOU KNOW IT BITCHES! LOL! I’ve got SO many things picked out that I’m going to wear now! I’ve got two bags packed. One with shorts and t shirts and comfy shoes and stuff like that for the daytime walking around and seeing the sights that there are to be seen, and one bag just for NIGHT LIFE OUTFITS! YOU KNOW IT GIRLS! If Kim O’Brien is going out, KIM O’BRIEN IS DRESSING LIKE SHE IS STILL BACK IN CHICAGO WITH ALL OF HER BITCHES! LOL! Really, I’m going to miss all of you bitches while I’m gone, but not nearly as much as I am going to miss my beautiful doggie Madison I LOVE YOU MADISON! But really though don’t cry you bunch of whiny babies because the QUEEN of CHICAGO will be back before you even KNOW IT! LOL! Actually, I guess it will be like, four days later and stuff and that’s really not a very long time to be gone anyway and I’m SURE that nobody will even notice I’m gone or anything, right? WRONG! LOL! CHICAGO CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO LIVE WITHOUT KIM O’BRIEN! EVEN FOR LIKE FOUR DAYS! LOL!

THIS IS SUCH A TRIAL!!!

SEX in CHICAGO

By Kimberley O’Brien

OH MY GOD KEVN’S BOSS WON’T JUST MAKE UP HIS MIND OR SOMETHING! I told Kevin today that he should just stop being that ZERO’s SLAVE and start being this HERO’s travel buddy or something, but Kevin didn’t understand what in the hell I was trying to say. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t sure what I was trying to say either. Mommy had her BUZZ on! LOL! But seriously you guys! Kevn’s boss is totally OK with him taking the time off from work now and it is SO CONFUSING! That little man is just like one of those middle lawyers at the office that doesn’t even know what they’re doing but they keep messing things up for everybody else because they still think that they need to make decisions or whatever and it is SO STUPID for them to be doing that becase they don’t even know what they’re doing AND THEY KNOW IT! SHOULD I EVEN BUY MY PLANE TICKETS NOW OR SHOULD I HAVE TO WAIT FOR KEVN’S STUPID BOSS TO CHANGE HIS STUPID MIND AGAIN THISIS SUCH A TRIAL!!!

Frustrated Businesswoman on the Phone

Ugh. Kimberley O’Brien is expressing her feelings through clip art! Everything is SUCH A TRIAL! GRRRR! I feel just like “frustrated businesswoman on the phone!”