I WIN! I WIN! Star Wars is stupid! LONG LIVE SEX AND THE CITY!!!

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

I win! LOL! Nachos for me and I can still talk bad about that stupid Star Wars and all those stupid Star Wars SLAVES! LOL! Take that, Kevin! GIRL POWER! You should never have underestimated my AMAZING stubbornness, Kevin Anderson! LOL! IT IS LEGENDARY IN THIS TOWN! WHEN YOU LOOK UP STUBBORN DIVA IN THE ENCYCLOPEDIA YOU ARE DIRECTED TO CHICAGO AND TO THE SUBSECTION ON KIMBERLEY O’BRIEN! LOL! I WIN! I WIN! Star Wars is stupid! LONG LIVE SEX AND THE CITY!!! Hey, you know what’s way better than Star Wars? ANYTHIG WITH MY GIRL, SARAH JESSICA PARKER IN IT! LOL! Also, anything from Chicago, cause duh! Chicago is the best town for everything other than Manhattan. What city is Star Wars even in? JUST LIKE I THOUGHT, NO CITY AT AL CAUSE IT’S ALL IN SPACE WITH THE STUPID LASER GUNS AND THE MISGUIDED SENSE OF FASHION! LOL! Except the Captain Kirk. That man was SEXY SEXY SEXY! Not so much anymore I don’t think, but GIRLS! When that man was in his prime, that man was sexier than Patrick Swayze dancing in his underwear! LOL! AND DON’T YOU TRY TO TELL ME THAT PATRICK SWAYZE WASN’T THE SEXIEST MAN ON EARTH, EITHER! Because like my mother used to say, that man could boil the paint off of a barn, lol!

Kimberley O’Brien would make sexy pottery with Patrick Swayze ANY TIME!!! And my hair is WAAAY better than Demi’s!!

Lawyers are always THE WORST CHARACTERS! LOL!

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

OK I mean it this time, I’ll stop talking bad about stupid Star Wars and those stupid Star Wars slaves. Kevin says that they’re not that different from Sex and the City FANATICS like I am, so that makes me really think that maybe they deserve a little better treatment than that. I mean, I still think that you’re all a bunch of stupid science fiction nerd slaves, but that’s OK. That’s what you bunch like and not everybody is perfect enough to be a Carriefan. I mean, Ocalagirl55 isn’t even a Carriefan and I’m nicer to her I guess. She like Miranda best and I think that’s just stupid. Miranda is a LAWYER! Lawyers are always THE WORST CHARACTERS! LOL! YES, I AM A LAWYER TOO, SO I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE YOU DUMMY! MIRANDA IS NOT TE BEST SEX AND THE CITY STAR! LOL! CARRIE, ALL OF THE WAY! Carrie Bradshaw is the STAR OF THE SHOW OCALAGIRL55! How can  you even argue! LOL! You’re just a slave for Cynthia Nixon, Ocala, DON’T TRY TO DENY IT CAUSE WE ALREADY KNOW IT! WE KNOW IT, OCALAGIRL! LOL!

YOU ARE SUCH A MEAN JERK KEVIN ANDERSON! LOL!

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

OK OK! I’ll lay off of Star Wars! Are you happy, Kevin Anderson? You big whiny girly boy! LOL! Make me NACHOS AGAIN! LOL! You freezing me out of nachos is not fair you big jerk! I should be able to say ANYTHING I want about stupid Star Wars and Star Wars slaves without having to worry about not being able to get nachos tomorrow LOL! YOU ARE SUCH A MEAN JERK KEVIN ANDERSON! LOL! I love you anyway though. Even though I hate Star Wars and you are OBVIOUSLY a big fat Star Wars slave and you probably just don’t even know it! LOL! THERE’S NOTHING SO GOOD ABOUT STAR WARS THAT YOU SHOULD BE A SLAVE OVER IT, DUMMY! GIVE ME NACHOS OR GIVE ME DEATH! DON’T SHOOT UNTIL YOU SEE THE FLAB OF THOSE STAR WARS SLAVES BELLIES, GIRLS! DON’T TREAD ON ME WITH YOUR LASER GUNS AND YOUR BAD CLOTHES! LOL! SLAVES! SLAVES! SLAVES!

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Listen up, Kevin! Kimberley O’Brien is “nacho” slave! Get it? “Nacho”! Ohhh, I’ve had too many umbrella drinks. Time for a nap.

I’m not really taking Star Wars to trial!

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

OK! I’m not really taking Star Wars to trial! LOL! I don’t even know who I would send the papers to in the first place! You guys are TOO SERIOUS SOMETIMES! But still, it is a TOTAL crime that Sex and the City doesn’t get as many devoted fans as stupid Star Wars gets culty slave followers. Star Wars slaves are the worst too. HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY THAT THEY DRESS?!? Those slaves are all like, I GUESS I’LL JUST PUT MY BED SHEETS ON AND PUT MY HAIR IN CINNAMON BUNS HA, HA, HA!

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But seriously, you guys? I’d much rather eat a cinnamon bun. Now I’m SO hungry you guys! Kevin, if you’re reading this, please go get me a cinnamon bun right NOW!

THEY’RE SO BACKWARDS YOU GUYS, ADMIT IT! LOL! I can just see Kevin dressing up like that and playing with a toy laser gun like I see those Star Wars slaves do on the TV when they go to those Star Wars things that they go to. I bet that he’d still make it look GOOD though because he is OUR Kevin and he at least has US to help him dress! Right BITCHES!?! LOL! Put something shiny on that stupid laser gun, boy!

 

I AM TAKING STAR WARS TO TRIAL!

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

Kevin just wants to talk about Star Wars today. BOOOO! There is already all of this stupid talk going around about Star Wars and nobody is even talking about Sex and the City anymore and that isn’t right you guys! Star Wars is super silly space gun stupid! Sex and the City is GOOD, QUALITY, IMPORTANT SOCIAL COMMENTARY, THAT PEELS BACK THE DAILY LIVES OF THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND MANHATTAN’S GLITTERATI SO THAT EVERY ONE ELSE WHO ISN’T AS BEAUTFUL COULD SEE HOW THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO ACT AND WHAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BUY AND WEAR AND STUFF! Stupid Star Wars doesn’t provide any kind of benefit to the world or society or ESPECIALLY CHICAGO (Chicago NEEDED Sex and the City like nobody’s business!) like that. Stupid Star Wars is just a bunch of spacemen shooting laser guns at each other and dressing in big styrofoam costumes or whatever! WHO WEARS STYROFOAM ANYMORE!?!?!?!?! UGH!

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SO unfashionable! Seriously, styrofoam is SO 1970s.

It makes me SO MAD that people pay so much more attention to that stupid stuff! Those whole Star Wars people should be SUED INTO DUST for ruining so many of our young people and stuff by making them not want to work hard so that they can afford SJP SHOES like I have or any of the other FINER things in life that these young people just don’t seem to appreciate! HEY, I JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW A LAWYER OR TWO! LOL! I’LL DO IT! I AM TAKING STAR WARS TO TRIAL! LOL! Don’t stop me, Madison, MOMMY IS ON A ROLL!

Kim O’Brien says: KEVIN ANDERSON, YOU ARE HORRIBLE, LOL <3

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

So I was thinking about places to go on vacation and Kevin today says to me, you should go to Disneyworld and I was all, Disneyworld is for little kids and stuff, KEVIN ANDERSON, YOU ARE TRYING TO GET ME TO TRUAMATIZE LITTLE KIDS AND STUFF LOL! YOU’RE HORRIBLE! Anyway! Kevin thinks that since I’ve never been that I should go, but my vacation plans are WAY too important to waste them away going to places JUST BECAUSE I’ve never been to them before. IF I started going places just because I haven’t been there before then I might as well go to Tulsa or something. I don’t want to go to Tulsa. I’ve been to Georgia, and that was way more than enough of the south for me. Ugh! Don’t make me remember. I need a tray of drinks now. MADISON! GET MOMMY A WHOLE TRAY OF COSMOPOLITANS! I NEED TO WASH AWAY THE MEMORIES! WHAT A TRIAL MY LIFE HAS BECOME! LOL! MADISON! PUT SOME UMBRELLAS IN THOSE DRINKS! LOL!

Tropical Drink by a Swimming Pool

Kimberley O’Brien thinks Kevin Anderson should make her an umbrella drink RIGHT NOW DO YOU HEAR ME KEVIN!!!???

THAT’S SO FUNNY! LIKE MY DOGGY CAN REALLY POUR MY DRINKS FOR ME AND STUFF! SHE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE HANDS OR ANYTHING LOL! MADISON! POUR MOMMY HER DRINKS WITH YOUR PAWS AND STUFF! LOL! DO THAT AND WE’LL DANCE AND I’LL TAKE YOU TO DISNEYWORLD OR SOMETHING.

Kimberley O’Brien says: MY SCHOOL WAS BETTER THAN YOURS, DAMN RIGHT, IT’S BETTER THAN YOURS!

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

You ever notice that it seems like EVERY SINGLE ONE of the HATERS out there that are jst trying to make the world a worse place and always LAWYERS? It’s true. There is something abou the courtroom that draws the haters like flies. I blame television. On television they made it seem like the life of a lawyer was practically golden, like, you could be a yuppie and drive sports cars and date super models if you become a lawyer. YEAH RIGHT! LOL! Half of the people that I went to law school with aren’t even practicing! Granted though, they’re all working, but I went to an AMAZING school, so of course they’re working. Is that bragging? LOL! IS IT BRAGGING IF IT’S TRUE?!? LOL! MY SCHOOL WAS BETTER THAN YOURS, DAMN RIGHT, IT’S BETTER THAN YOURS! HA HA HA! I LOVE THAT SONG!!!

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he could teach you, but he’d have to charge.

 

Kim O’Brien: Sex and the City in the City of Chicago (WORKING TITLE)

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

I take it back, I wouldn’t be a lion OR invisible! LOL! I know, right?! I COULDN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT ALL DAY! LOL! I would be a BEAUTIFUL DOLPHIN! And I would swim with people and I would help them when they get into trouble and stuff JUST LIKE FLIPPER! I told you bitches all about my love of Flipper. I would have married that stupid fish if I could have. YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE! I would have divorced the king of Monaco IN A FLASH if I was given the option to marry Flipper. And I mean young king of monaco too! Not some old leathery guy, but the handsome bazillionaire who would have even funded my Sex and the City in the City of Chicago (WORKING TITLE YOU BITCHES!) !  The Movie! I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL WE HAVE OUR MOVIE MADE AND WE CAN ALL BE ON THE COVER OF PEOPLE AND ALL OF THOSE OTHER STUPID MAGAZINES THAT YOU ONLY FIND AT THE HAIRDRESSER! LOL!

Woman under hair dryer

She’s going to read ALL about my new SEX IN CHICAGO MOVIE you guys!!!

HATERS ARE ON TRIAL YOU GUYS!

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

If you could be any kind of animal, what kind of animal would you be? I bet that you think that you know what kind of animal that I would choose, dont ya? I love my little Madison with all of my heart, but GOD NO I DON’T WANT TO BE A DOGGY! LOL! I would be a lion! Then I could POUNCE on all the haters out there an teach them a thin or two about hating so much. Haters SUCK SUCK SUCK. LOL! I wish that I could take all of the haters and make them stand in front of me while I’m a LION! BOY WOULD THEY CHANGE THEIR WAYS THEN! LOL! I WOULD BE THE JUDGE, THE JURY, AND THE QUEEN OF tHE JUNGLE! LOL! HATERS ARE ON TRIAL YOU GUYS! WATCH OUT! I WILL LITIGATE YOU UNTIL YOU THINK IT’S TORTURE YOU BUNCH OF HATERS! LOL! NO WAIT! I don’t want to be a lion, I want to be able to turn invisible, that would be WONDERFUL! Then I could sneak around and watch people trying to do all their dirty business and then when they do I could be like DON’T DO THAT, GIRL! THAT PIECE OF PIE IS LIKE TEN THOUSAND CALORIES!

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Kim O’Brien says: I don’t care HOW patriotic that is! it’s a bazillion calories! I’m putting my willpower on trial!

And then everyone would live better lives and stuff because they’d be worried that I was there and that I wold yell at them, lol! Watch out you bitches! Kim O’Brien is going to make you all live right and stip hating! LOL!