Kimberley O’Brien Chicago Drama Queen: Madison had surgery!!!

 OMG you guys so I brought Madison back for her appointment. The pills that the vet gave me kind of worked and Madison was a little less crazy then she was last time and so the vet gave her a shot and then she kind of poked around on Madison’s belly and then she found that Madison had two cuts on her leg on the inside that looked like claw marks – I think Steve scratched Madison you guys!  Or he might have bitten her, too the vet couldn’t tell from looking but anyway they were really deep and the vet was like, this could be a really serious case if we don’t put stitches in and I almost cried because I felt so bad for Madison because she was hurt and I didn’t even know!  I wish Madison Spoke English you guys because then she could have said that Kevin’s cat bit her and I could have taken her to the vet.  Kevin feels really bad about Steve biting Maddie but Maddie kind of deserved it because she was trying to steal Steve’s food and Steve was just scared.  I think Kevin was afraid that Kimberley O’Brien, Chicago’s famous lawsuit queen was going to slap him with a lawsuit for his cat!  But I don’t sue cats!

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Kimberley O’Brien: Chicago Cat Lawsuit Queen! LOL!

 

That would be funny, though.  But now Maddie has stitches and she’s all better.  She probably won’t try to steal food again.

 

 

 

Sex In Chicago with Kimberley O’Brien: DRAMA AT THE VET

So I totally had to take Madison to the vet and let me tell you something: THAT DOG IS A TOTAL DRAMA QUEEN!  Now Kimberley O’Brien considers herself an expert on drama queens – but I’ve never seen drama like this.  I should tell you that we used to have a vet that came to our apartment and that was SO nice because it is SO hard to find a vet in Chicago that makes house calls they’re all afraid of lawsuits and going to trial for like veterinary malpractice that they want to keep everything in the office.  And it’s been a while since I took Madison to the vet but I just had this feeling that she wasn’t herself so I called this one clinic that I found that is located near the Gold Coast and they were SO NICE when I called that I just knew that I made the right choice and I told them that I was worried about Madison and they told me I could bring her in that afternoon and so I did.  And at first she was fine and they got us all checked in and stuff but as soon as they got us back to the room where the vet does the exams Madison went COMPLETELY CRAZY and she started snarling and barking and bouncing off the walls and the vet was seriously scared to touch her and then the vet asked if Maddie had her rabies shot and I was like, Well I think she might be over due and the vet was like I’m going to get some gloves in case she bites me and we need to get her a rabies shot.  But when the vet came back with these crazy gloves on Madison just went even Crazier and she wouldn’t let that vet get near her.  It made me feel like a bad doggie parent, you guys because she acted like she was scared that she was going to be abused and I was like, I don’t know why she’s acting like this and the vet was all, I think we need to try this another day.  So she gave me some pills and told me to put them in Madison’s food two hours before I brought her back to the vet and they’d make her all drowsy and then the vet could examine her. I felt really bad but I could tell that the vet didn’t want to get near her so I just paid for the pills and said I’d bring Madison back.

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This is what Madison turned into when we went to the vet! Seriously! I’m sure there’s some kind of secret veterinary blacklist and Kimberley O’Brien has been banned from every vet in Chicago! Maddy just went CRAZY, you guys!

 

Sex In Chicago with Kimberley O’Brien: Madison is sick, BOOOOOO!!!

You guys, I am SO worried about Madison she hasn’t been herself the past few days and I don’t know what is wrong with her but I am really really worried!  She was fine on Friday morning but then Kevin came by for the weekend and he brought his cat Steve with him.  Kevin is such a good cat owner, he doesn’t like to leave Steve alone overnight because Steve gets lonely – isn’t that the SWEETEST thing you’ve ever heard?  I thought so and I told him that Steve was more than welcome in our apartment and I really didn’t think Madison would mind – I mean she sees other dogs in the park when we go on our Gold Coast walking tours and she just barks a little bit and she’s ready to move on but when Kevin brought Steve over Madison just went crazy!  And then Steve went crazy, too and hissed and got all puffy like he was trying to look huge and threatening and it was actually kind of funny because Steve is this big round orange blob of a cat and there’s nothing at all threatening about him but he was trying really hard to look like he’d be ready to fight back if Madison tried to abuse him or bite him.  But for a while nothing happened.  Steve snuck off to my back room that I made into an office and Madison hung out with us while we ate dinner and watched a SEX IN THE CITY marathon which was SO FUN. That’s what I like about Kevin. He lets me watch what I want and he doesn’t even like Sex in the City that much but he just tells me that it makes him happy that I’m happy.  He’s just such a nice guy.  And he even made me my favorite:  Cheeseburgers!  We like to make fancy cheeseburgers and every time Kevin comes to make them for me we try new fancy ingredients and it’s SO FUN.  This weekend we had burgers with Havarti cheese, arugula, and grilled red onions and they were SO good.  The time before that we had Colby and home made garlic mayo on these funny pretzel buns – I had never seen them before but Kevin says that they’re super popular in Wisconsin and I can see why they were so yummy I probably gained five zillion pounds that day!!!!!

But I was going to tell you about Madison – I can’t believe I forgot to tell you about Madison.  So like I was saying, Madison and Steve stayed away from each other most of Friday night but then after we ate dinner and we were still watching SATC Kevin fed Steve a can of smelly canned food and Madison decided that she wanted to try it and they ended up fighting and I think Steve smacked Madison because she went “YIP!  YIP!” and ran away and hid under my bed for an hour.  And now today she seems kind of sad and like she doesn’t want to play or dance.  I think that if she’s not back to her crazy self tomorrow I am going to take her to the vet, which she hates a lot.  Wish me luck!

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I WISH Madison was this calm at the vet’s office but she goes CRAZY you guys!!!!!

 

Kimberley O’Brien, Chicago Drama Queen: SPACE MOUNTAIN FOR REAL THIS TIME YOU GUYS!!

Sorry about last night but Madison was throwing a FIT and she had to go outside like RIGHT NOW and she wanted to make sure that everyone in the building – and everyone in CHICAGO, for that matter – knows that Kimberley O’Brien is a bad, abusive doggie mommy, LOL!!!!!

So like I was saying Kevin and Miranda and I were at Disney world and I turned to Kevin and I was like you know what, Kevin I am SOOOO glad I never had kids because I would have had to take them here like every summer and the LINES ARE SO long and it’s SOOO hot and I think that’s a case of parent abuse!  I’m serious!  Everywhere we went there were screaming kids in princess costumes and sad, tired looking parents following them around and waiting in lines. And they were ALL throwing tantrums!  ALL OF THEM!!! It was SO insane!

We decided that we were all going to go on Space Mountain.  I’ve heard that ride is SO fun but I’ve also heard that it’s like really scary and that people try to kill themselves on it and do all kinds of stupid things so I was kind of scared, too – but then I didn’t want Kevin to think I was scared.  After all, what would he think if the Chicago divorce lawsuit queen was scared of a silly ride at a theme park, RIGHT?

So we got in line and waited.  And waited.  And waited.

We waited for AN HOUR to get on that ride!  AND IT WAS SOOOO WORTH IT OH MY GOD IT WAS SO FUN YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!

It was all dark and fast and there were these great little mannequins in these adorably campy space costumes and the lights were flashing and Kevin was yelling “WOO HOOO” and even old stick in the mud “Miranda” was all, “YAY!” and we had so much fun that when the ride stopped we all ran back to the line and stood in it again for another hour just to ride on it more!

Space mountain is Kimberley O’Brien’s new favorite thing ever.  I mean it.  I like it better than Kevin’s Chicago chili cheese fries and I might even like it better than dancing in the park in Chicago with Madison but don’t you DARE tell her that or I’ll file a lawsuit against you, LOL!

But I’m serious. It’s really fun.

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Kimberley O’Brien: Chicago Lawsuit Queen in SPACE!!!!!

 

 

Kimberley O’Brien Chicago Lawsuit Queen: SPACE MOUNTAIN YOU GUYS!!!!

Okay you guys so after we went to Epcot Center Kevin and his girlfriend – you know what, I’ll just call her “Miranda” from now on because she reminds me so much of Miranda and that way I can talk all kinds of smack about her and she can’t be like “I’m going to file a lawsuit against you Kimberley O’Brien” because all I have to do is say, “What, Miranda? I wasn’t writing about you, GIRL!  I was writing about this other Miranda that I know and that totally isn’t you and just happened to be at Disney World at the same time as you!” and then she won’t be able to say anything and I can write whatever I want!  Kimberley O’Brien is SO BAD, YOU GUYS!! But anyway, the day after Kevin and “Miranda” and I went to Epcot we decided to go to Disney World.  We figured, well, we’re in Florida, right? It’s almost like a law that you have to go to Disney World or they can like put you on trial or file a lawsuit against you or something.

So, we went to Disney world. WHAT. A. MISTAKE.

Okay, so first of all, there’s NO alcohol.  Or, I guess there is but it’s in the fancy restaurants and Kevin and I were trying to keep costs down so we just ate at the snack bars or whatever.  But seriously: No alcohol.  No margaritas or fancy beers or cute little umbrella drinks!  Nothing!  Just Diet Coke in overpriced souvenir cups.  IT was SO SAD, you guys!!

Oh, just thinking about that abuse of a perfectly good opportunity for fancy umbrella drinks makes Kimberley O’Brien want to file a lawsuit against somebody!  And I haven’t even told you about the crowds – or the lines.  Oh, I think I hear Madison barking so I’ll have to finish this tomorrow morning!

Love from SEXXY SEXXY CHICAGO, Kimberley  O’Brien

Kimberley O’Brien: Chicago Lawsuit Queen in Disney World

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS DISNEYWORLD was SO MUCH FUN!! Seriously, if you EVER want to get out of Chicago or Detroit or Tulsa or wherever else you live and go have some serious fun you should TOTALLY check out Disneyworld.  Epcot Center is really great, and it’s one of those cases where there’s almost too much to do there.  Kevin and his girlfriend and I only planned to spend a day there but by the time we got about halfway around we decided to change our plans around a little so we could see more stuff.  And to me, one of the best parts of Epcot is that YOU CAN DRINK YOU GUYS!!! I’m SO serious!  There’s alcohol at almost every country and it’s pretty good, too. It’s not bud lite or whatever abusively bad American beer that people drink in the south – there’s really nice stuff there – stuff that you’d buy for your clients after winning a lawsuit or a big court case.

I’m totally not joking!  Here’s just a partial list of some of the AMAZING booze we drank at EPCOT:

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Look out, Japan! Kimberley O’Brien is gonna drink ALL of your sake!! Woo!!!

In the “Japan” section Kevin and I drank little plastic champagne glasses of sparkling sake!  Sparkling sake is like regular sake but served cold and mixed with champagne or something so it’s SO bubbly!  And it comes in these cute little frosty pink bottles, you guys!  I’m serious when I say that I felt like Carrie Bradshaw when I drank my first little glass of that stuff!  Kevin didn’t like it as much as I did and his girlfriend didn’t try it at all.  She reminds me of Miranda on Sex in the City – she’s kind of uptight and she’s not really about trying new things and that’s kind of the same way that Kevin’s girlfriend acts. But oh well, it’s her loss if she doesn’t want to try fruity drinks.  Kimberley O’Brien isn’t exactly going to file a lawsuit.  Being boring isn’t a crime, LOL!

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Kimberley O’Brien is TOTALLY buying a dirndl when she gets back to Chicago! And I’m gonna buy a matching one for Madison! We’ll have our very own Oktoberfest!!!!

 

We also drank GREAT beer in the Germany part of town and then we had these AMAZING margaritas in the Mexico section where they had this nice little restaurant that felt SO elegant and fancy that I felt like Kevin and I and Miranda could have been back home in Chicago  dining at some pricy little Gold Coast restaurant!  We also stopped for lunch in the Morocco section and the food was all so good that we just asked them to bring us a bunch of appetizers and desserts to share!  We are SO bad, you guys!  I can’t believe how much I ate and drank!!  Look out Disneyworld – Kimberley O’Brien is putting her diet on TRIAL!!! Madison and I are going to have to do SO MUCH DANCING when I get home or I’ll never fit into my court case/lawsuit clothes again, LOL!!!!

 

 

Kim O’Brien: Goodbye, Chicago and HELLO DISNEYWORLD

Sex and the City of Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

I get on the plane for DISNEYWORLD TOMORROW YOU BITCHES! LOL! I AM SO EXCITED AND KEVIN AND HIS GILDFRIEND ARE GOING TO PICK ME UP IN THE MORNING AND WE’LL SHARE A CAB TO O’HARE AND THEN IT’S COSMOS AND FRUITY DRINKS WITH UMBRELLAS IN THEM FOR FOUR WHOLE DAYS YOU GUYS! I’m going to miss my MADISON though! I’m so emotionally torn apart by this and stuff because I don’t want to leave my doggie but I do want to go to DISNEYWORLD WITH KEVIN AND HIS GIRLFRIEND TOO! OMG THIS IS ALL SO MUCH! LOL! THERE IS TOO MUCH GOING THROUGH MY POOR HEAD ALL AT THE SAME TIME YOU GUYS! LOL! I’M AFRAID THAT MY POOR BRAIN IS GOING TO GO POP! LOL!

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this is Kim O’Brien’s brain on Disneyworld!! LOL!! it’s gonna explode!!!

THE definitive Sex and the City movie and it IS SEX AND THE CITY CHICAGO! GRRRRR!

Sex in Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

I am getting SUPER SUPER EXCITED about this Florida trip even though it takes me out of my AMAZING Chicago home. Did I tell you that I’m taking all of my SJPs? O, I AM TOTALLY TAKING ALL OF MY SJP’s! LOL! Or, all of the ones that I don’t have on display in my condo that is, but that’s still each style that they even make so technically it IS all of the SJPs! LOL! If I could have one wish, it would be for Sarah Jessica Parker to go shoe shopping with me! LOL! That would be SO FUN! And then while we’re tring on shoes that cost more than some people’s CARS I could totally tell her about our Sex and the City CHICAGO! Script and then I bet that she would read it and OF COURSE she would love it because that’s all that it would take for Sarah Jessica Parker to really love our script would be is if she actually got a chance to read it because it is so good that it speaks for itself and stuff! Oh Sarah Jessica Parker! I wish that you had friendlier assistants or whatever it is that you have because they are keeping you from making THE definitive Sex and the City movie and it IS SEX AND THE CITY CHICAGO! GRRRRR! Stupid secretaries that don’t show people REALLY GOOD MOVIE scripts when they get them in the mail and in the email and on the fax machines and in the mail and all of that and instead just probably throw them away when they get them instead of showing them to Sarah Jessica Parker make me almost as mad as the stupid lawyers at my stupid firm that think they’re SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE BT THEY’RE REALLY JUST SLAVES AND THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW IT! GRRR!!! I NEED A COSMO!

Kevin’s cat + Madison = ?????

Sex in Chicago
By Kimberley O’Brien
I’ve been watching Animal Planet lately and I think that cats are SUPER CUTE but I don’t think that Madison would get along with a cat but I think that I still might want one anyway and then I could you know, teach Madison how to get along with it and stuff? Kevin has a cat and he said that he’d bring her over later to see how Madison reacts to her but I already know that Madison is going to go APE DOODY! Because she is a HUNTER DOG! LOL! She is SO FIERCE and PROTECTIVE AND STUFF that OF COURSE SHE’S Going to want to go after that cat because she’s going to think that Mommy is in danger from that cat and stuff and I don’t want Kevin’s cat to get hurt so I’m thinking about calling the whole thing off. Kevin will think I’m crazy, I know it. He thinks that Madison is just a big dough ball or something. He calls her Mommy’s Little Butter Face and I’m not sure if that’s an insult or what but Madison doesn’t know either so I don’t know if it really matters or not if it is. You know what I mean? Let Kevin Anderson have his stupid fun calling my doggie names. He doesn’t get the privilege of living with the best, most beautiful doggy in the whole world and rat’s my Madison! LOL!

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Maybe Madison will get along with a cat. This picture is ADORABLE!

Kimberley O’Brien: Chicago has the BEST cheeseburgers

Sex in Chicago

By Kimberley O’Brien

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OHMYGOD YOU GUYS these are SO Good! Kim O’Brien is a SLAVE to cheeseburgers!!!!

I LOVE cheeseburgers! And Chicago has the BEST cheeseburgers in the whole country you guys and that’s the TRUTH! There’s a place called Gabe’s right down he street and they make these cheeseburgers that I am a TOTAL slave for but they’re not that big or anything but they’re SO GOOD IT’S CRAZY YOU GUYS! They do cheeseburgers the traditional Chicago way where it’s just meat and bread and cheese and pickles and mustard like a brat or whatever. THEYRE SO GOOD THOUGH YOU WON’T EVEN BELIEVE IT! I suspect that their hamburger is really bacon meat or something. I’ve had it where people do that and they do that all of the time like where they grind up bacon in their hamburger and then you have a bacon hamburger? IT IS SCRUMPTIOUS!!! Another place that makes an AMAZING bacon burger jut like that is this brewery type place downtown here that I don’t quite remember the name of… ERRRRR!!! IT SUCKS GETTING OLD YOU GUYS CAUSE I CAN’T REMEMBER STUFF AS WELL AS I USED TO BE ABLE TO AND THAT SUCKS SO BAD! I should start writing everything that I know now, and then I can go back and reference it when I forget what it was and stuff. Getting old is a total trial on my PATIENCE you guys. I bet Madison remembers the name of that place. They made her a doggy cheeseburger and she ATE IT ALL UP SUPER DUPER FAST! My Madison is a VERY fast eater when it comes to cheeseburgers. LIKE MOMMY LIKE DOGGY! LOL!