Kimberley O’Brien Chicago: Dreaming of Carrie Bradshaw

Sex in Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

I’m not sure if Madison really wants a new brother or sister. She sure does love having the whole house to herself I think so it makes me wonder if maybe I shouldn’t go get a new doggy to hang out with her. I’m just so unsure about the whole thing you know? Maybe I should sleep on it. OH! Let me tell you about this dream I had! I was hanging out with Carrie Bradshaw in a real fashionable bar in Manhattan and Carrie turns to me and says “This was only a test!” and then everyone in the whole bar turned into me and then we all started dancing together and stuff and then Carrie Bradshaw turned into a big beautiful eagle and she flew up onto the ceiling and nobody knew how to get her down from there and we kept yelling at her and stuff we yelled Carrie! Carrie come down from there it’s dangerous up there and then Madison was there and she started barking up at Carrie and I knew that it was going to be trouble to I told Madison to just go lay down and she did. That was SUCH A WEIRD DREAM YOU GUYS! SO, what’s it mean? I think it means that SJP got my letter and that she MIGHT BE THINKING ABOUT DOING SEX AND THE CITY 3 IN CHICAGO! DON’T YOU THINK SO? It should be right around the time that she got the first of her letters and stuff that I sent to her agent and stuff I SENT THEM IN LETTER HEAD FROM THE OFFICE SO SHE’D THINK THAT IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT, LOL! THAT WAS KEVIN’S IDEA! LOL!

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Kimberly O’Brien: Sex in Chicago, Starring Carrie Bradshaw, LOL!


Snakes are not safe pets you guys!

Sex and Chicago
By Kim O’Brien
So I found out that a Lassie dog is called a collie and I found out that there are a lot of kinds of collies and stuff so I’m trying to figure out what kind of collie I want to get and stuff and where to go to get one and stuff too. I asked Kevin and he wasn’t sure. He said that maybe a pet store or something but when I went to the pet store they didn’t have any and they just had a bunch of snakes and lizards and stuff and I couldn’t believe that they just sold snakes and lizards and stuff anyway. Who wants to own snakes and lizards and stuff? Snakes and lizards would probably try to poison you when you’re sleeping and stuff and then try to EAT YOU DUMMIES! Snakes are dangerous you guys! I MEAN, there is a REASON why snakes are always the bad guys in shows and stuff like that and it isn’t because snakes just look good and they’re easy to work with on film or something, because I’m sure that they’re not easy to work with considering that, oh, I don’t know, THEY’RE SNAKES YOU GUYS! They’ll poison you and eat you you guys! THEY’RE SNAKES! Snakes are not safe pets you guys! What about Adam and Eve? Haven’t any of you ever heard about Adam and Eve? I mean, Adam and Eve were TOTALLY KILLED BY A SNAKE AND STUFF!!! WHY WON’T YOU LEARN!?!


Kimberly O’Brien: Chicago Snake-a-phobe, LOL!

Kim O’Brien Chicago: Madison needs a new friend

Sex in Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

Madison needs a new friend I think. She’s been acting so crazy lately that I bet that she’s just in need of another doggy to spend some time with, and it would also mean that I wouldn’t have to do things for her so often, so I think that I am going to get a new doggy to be Madison the doggy’s little brother or sister or something. So, what kind of doggy should I get to be Madison’s brother or sister? I was thinking about maybe a Lassie dog like from the Lassie show. I always loved that Lassie show as a younger person and I did always wish that I had a doggy like that. But maybe a dog like Lassie would just be too big and stuff to have in Chicago. No, never mind about that because I see larger doggies at the park all of the time, I’m sure that that isn’t like a problem or anything. Or maybe I’ll get a Dalmation like those doggies that you see fire men with all of the time and stuff. Then I can tell people that a big hunky CHICAGO FIREMAN gave me my new doggy, lol! That would be so funny and I bet you that people would just talk and talk and talk about that for who knows how long, lol! I like the look of those Dalmatian doggies too because they are really interesting looking and stuff with all of those spots all over them and stuff.


Kimberly O’Brien: Chicago Dog Lover!

I really like those spots and stuff, and I REALLY like the idea of people talking about my big HUNKY CHICAGO FIREMAN! LOL! Maybe I should just get another little doggy like my Madison. Maybe another little doggy will make my Madison calm down a little bit more and stuff. A big doggy might be trouble when we dance in the mornings and stuff too now that I think about it. A big doggy might scratch me a whole bunch or something. OHH, but they’re so cute those big doggies! Oh, you know what else is really cute? Those little Mexican dogs the chihuhuas or whatever they’re called. They have such big crazy eyes and they’re SO ADORABLE! But that dumb bitch Paris Hilton has those Mexican dogs too and I don’t ever want anyone to mistaken me for someone that wants to look like that stupid person Paris Hilton. So I guess that chewhuahuas are out of the question. Maybe one of those cute little puppies that look like Spuds MacKenzie. What did ever happen to Spuds MacKenzie? He just disappeared suddenly and I wonder, did he get retired or something? And what happens to a puppy dog when they get retired? Do they move to the beach? Cause Spuds MacKenzie was always on a beach anyway.

Spuds on the beach!


Where does a doggy retire to if they already live on a beach with a bunch of models or something that feed that doggy beefy snacks all the time whenever they want one? I bet they sent Spuds MacKenzie to Manhattan to be with Carrie Bradshaw you guys! LOL! I don’t think that I want any of those big scary dogs like the ones that attack people and stuff like dobermans and pit bulls and stuff. I have enough on my plate without having to worry about also having a psycho dog in the house that’s more psycho than me or my Madison. And I saw Cujo, I know how dangerous those dobermen are when they start to want to get at you and stuff and NO THANK YOU! I think I want to get a Lassie dog the most. I just need to find out what kind of dog that Lassie dog was and find out where to get one because I think that I have ALREADY made up my mind you guys!

Anchors Away!!

Sex in Chicago
By Kim O’Brien
The Anchors Away episode was on last night and it got me thinking about sailors.


Kimberly O’Brien: Ahoy, Chicago!!

Why do they dress like that? Is it like some kind of useful thing to have bell bottom pants and big floofy scarves on all the time? Really, why is it that sailors have had to dress like that for so long? Because I don’t understand that at all you guys. It doesn’t make any sense to me. Also, why are they called sailors? There aren’t any sails on boats anymore unless you’re on somebody’s yacht or in a yachting club now so why still call yourself a sailor? Why not something more practical, like a SHIP MAN! Ship mans sound way sexier than sailor anyway. Sailor sounds like something that I might dress up as for Halloween or something, only a like super cute sailor you guys! Like with pigtails or something.

Pirate with Parrot, Portrait

Kim O’Brien: Chicago Pirate! Arr!! Booty!

I think that would be really cute and it would play with conventions in a really fun and unusual way and stuff. Or maybe like a cutesy pirate! Like with a peg leg and a parrot, but wearing short shorts and with a cupid’s bow on my lips. I think that that would look pretty sexy you guys.

Kimberly O’Brien Chicago: Considering a Career Change you guys!

Sex in Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

I want to learn to be an actor I think, that way I can be in the next Sex and the City movie! Can you just imagine if I was in a Sex and the City movie? I would never stop talking about it and stuff and that’s for sure. I would tell everyone to go watch me and Carrie Bradshaw WORK IT up on that big screen! LOL! I would absolutely LOVE being on the screen with SJP and I bet that she would too! I even have some pretty good ideas about the next movie too. I think that it should be set in Chicago! And then the gang can come out here and meet me and I can show them around my great city and maybe we can all go see Mr. Big’s hometown or something OH! And my Madison could be in it too because she is a GORGEOUS DOGGY! LOL! I’m not sure yet about the places and stuff that I can show to the gang, but I’m thinking about Kevin’s bar, THE GOLD COAST! WHAT’S UP BITCHES?!? and maybe like the art museum or something. OH! THAT would be AMAZING! We could be at the art museum and drinking wine or something and then Samantha can get into some crazy adventures with a young sexy security guard or something and maybe wreck a fake exhibit or something.

Kim O’Brien does NOT own the rights to this photo! It’s from Wikipedia you guys!

I know, they can be doing their thing and then like fall through some art or something and roll right out in front of a dozen reporters and the reporters will be all flashing their cameras and stuff and Samantha will do her I got caught having sex in public face again, you know the one, where she goes “OH!” and then puts her hand up near her collarbone like, I never! And then me and the girls will have to put our wine down and rush to her rescue, maybe putting a towel over her while maybe one or two of us check out the security guard on the sly and maybe lift our eyebrows a little like Oh MY! And then we’d sneak away and cut to us sitting outside at a famous bistro and drinking wine and Samantha saying something like “How could I resist!?! He was young and I was obviously looking amazing today!” and then she can hook up with a sexy waiter and slip away while we’re all talking about how boring forty something men can be when a celebrity or something shows up with like an army of reporters following her around and she can be all snooty and stuff and then as she goes to do something like open a door or push through some drapes or something then OOPS! Naked Samantha and the hot waiter can spill out in front of the reporters and then Samantha can roll her eyes and say like, NOT AGAIN! OHHH! And then we’ll have to rush over again and cover her up and get her away from all of the reporters and stuff and then we can all go out to a club or something and I can embarrass Carrie Bradshaw by getting up on stage and making a dedication or something like a song or a dance where like a dozen twenty something year old hot-boys come out on stage and gyrate and stuff and I can dedicate it to Carrie Bradshaw and she can be all like embarrassed and stuff and I can be like, YOU LOVE IT GIRL! YOU KNOW YOU DO! WHOO! I think that would be perfect. And then maybe in the end there would be a Mr. Perfect that shows up looking for Samantha because he kept seeing her on television and stuff and Samantha can dissapear with him for a little bit and in the last shot of the movie little Madison can run up and pull a curtain open where something important is supposed to be unveiled and there are tons of reporters and stuff sitting around taking pictures and stuff and then take Samantha’s picture as she goes like “OH!” and then it cuts to a shot of me and the rest of the gang drinking wine and then like rolling our eyes like, Oh, no, not again. Samantha!?! Oh that would be so great. I wonder what kind of wine they would like? I bet that it would be something sexy and red. I should go stock up just in case. And at the very end of the movie there could be like a caption thing that says like, Samantha remained monogomous with sexy Mr. Perfect… for thirty minutes! HA HA HA! Because, you know, Samantha can’t NOT be single because that is totally her thing. OH! And I need to learn how to act too because I know that I need to practice and stuff before any of that can ever happen and stuff. I bet that if I take some classes or something that I’ll be perfect at it in no time at all because I am already a DIVA, so I OBVIOUSLY have the charisma and the look, so I really just need to get good at the lines stuff like reading and remembering what to say when the cameras start to go and stuff. Some people say that acting is hard, but most of us have to act like every single day and stuff so it can’t be that hard to learn how to do it and besides, I’ve seen movies. Most of those bitches in those movies don’t look genuine at ALL! That’s why I love Sex and the City so much because you JUST KNOW that those girls are the REAL THING just by looking at them when they do there stuff! THOSE GIRLS ARE THE REAL THING! LOL! I need to start writing them letters letting them know what my ideas are, I bet that as soon as they read it they will TOTALLY love it. I should tell Kevin about it PRONTO so that he can help me start writing new letters to SJP. Or maybe he can write like the script or something for it. I bet that he can do that, I just need to ask him. AND I ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL YOU THE BEST PART OF MY IDEA!!! What would the movie be called? Sex in CHICAGO! WOOO! REPRESENTING MY FAVORITE CITY! LOL! Maybe the mayor or something will give me a key to the city if I can get that movie made. I bet that it would help a whole bunch with like tourism and stuff. Cities can always use more tourism and stuff. ALL THE MORE REASON TO GET TO WORK ON THIS YOU GUYS!


Thank you for being a friend! OMG I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE GOLDEN GIRLS!

Sex and Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

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Kim O’Brien says: Thank you for being a friend! !

You ever watch the Golden Girls? The Golden Girls always made me so mad. Those Golden Girls weren’t any more golden than pile of coal. Three of them were like forty years old or something, but they dressed like they were older than Methuselah! I swear, that wanted people to think that once you got old you just naturally fell out of touch with fashion when that is so TOTALLY unnatural you guys! You have to WANT to not care about what to wear anymore before you do. I;m twice all of their ages and you don’t see me strutting around in a baggy pants suit or a moo moo with a cape attached to it. Those Golden Girls were every bit the characters that non-seniors think that seniors naturally are and that burns my buttons! LOL! I’m trying to use as many old lady sayings as I can, can you tell? LOL! Stop caling me an old lady, Kevin! Have you even SEEN the Golden Girls? LOL! I AM NOTHING LIKE THOSE BITCHES! I am YOUNG and BEAUTIFUL and YOU KNOW IT! OK, maybe not young, but definitely the rest of that stuff. Why are you talking to me about the Golden Girls anyway? You should be making me nachos and stuff, not yapping like my doggy about bad old sitcoms. If you want to talk about television shows at least talk about good ones. LIKE SEX AND THE CITY!

Kim O’Brien: Slave to Chicago Shopping!!!

Sex in Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

Today I went shopping on Michigan Avenue and then ran around a bit more in the gold coast, but I didn’t find anything too spectacular. I bought a couple of new pairs of shoes that I thought might look OK with a couple of outfits that I have and I bought a scarf because I thought that I might like to rock it with a scarf for a little while and see if I like it? But I don’t know. I think that I even know what I am going to wear it with and everything, but it’s just not exciting today. I don’t know though. It seems like I just couldn’t get too excited about shopping or anything today.

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Kim O’Brien: Gold Coast shopping. Meh.

Weird, I know, right? Maybe I have the flu or something, or maybe I got replaced with a plant alien or something like that. Did you ever see the Donald Sutherland Invasion of the Body Snatchers? I saw that in the theater and I think that that one was my favorite of all of the different versions of Body Snatchers that have been made. Donald Sutherland is a hotty extraordinaire, and he looked good with that mustache. I guess my second favorite would be the original one from way back a long time ago. I saw that one in the theater too. I knew a girl named Kimberly back then and I thought that it would be a real fun date movie. It wasn’t a real fun date movie, LOL! You can guess why not. Not many people felt too romantic after watching Invasion of the Body Snatchers, that’s for sure. That movie left you feeling creepy, creepy, creepy! I think that it was the very first scary movie that ever really made me thing about things in a funny way like that movie did? After that movie you were really left thinking about what happened. One of the things that I was left thinking about was that I didn’t think that I really wanted to be dating Kimberly! LOL! I think that even back then I just wanted to borrow her lipstick, but what can you do? Lol! Now I am free as a bird and there isn’t anyone that can tell me what I can and can’t wear because I am not their slave and they can’t tell me what to do. Yeah, I really liked Invasion of the Body Snatchers when I saw it in the theater. It’s a real shame that Kevin McCarthy died just recently, but I guess that he was older than dirt when he did it, lol! I hope I live as long. That man must have been a hundred years old! I think that he was middle aged when he made that Invasion of the Body Snatchers back in the fifties! LOL!


Kim O’Brien says: Leave my body alone! LOL!

Sex and the City Lunches! I’m a genius you guys!!!!

Sex in Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

I spent my whole afternoon watching Sex and the City you guys! You would all be so proud of me! I brought my little portable DVD player to work this morning and I set it up on my desk and stuff and flipped that switch and poof! Work is tolerable! LOL! I know, I know, you all wish that you could watch Sec and the City all day at work too, but to that all I have to say is, DON’T YOU WISH THAT YOU WERE ME YOU BITCHES! LOL! Everyone should wish that they were me, I am the queenie queen of Chicago! All hail the great high Diva! LOL! On another note, it seems like the interns are trying to hint around that they want to watch Sex and the City with me. Should I let them? I should take a poll or something. Maybe I’ll let Kevin poll the people at his work, that should be funny. I bet that they’ll all be like, NO! TELL THOSE INTERNS TO WASH YOUR CAR!

household cleaner with rubber gloves bucket and sponge..

Kimberley O’Brien says: Forget the lawsuits and start scrubbing, LOL!!

Or something, lol! I am not so mean that I would make interns wash my car. The only way that I would make them do something so humiliating is if my car was like super dirty and it isn’t right now anyway so that’s not even an argument. I bet that I should let the watch Sex and the City with me. I could turn it into a bonding exercise or something, AND I would be spreading the religion of Carrie Bradshaw, and maybe, just maybe, those interns will develop and sense of appreciation for all things fashion. Especially shoes. I know! I’ll have Sex and the City Lunches! So like, at noon everyday all of the interns will come in here and I’ll air one episode of the adventures of Carrie Bradshaw and maybe I’ll give them milk and cookies or something. Should I get like floor mats or something too? So if they get so tired after watching Sex and the City that they could take a nap if they need to? LOL! I kill me sometimes! If I did all of that then thy would be interns and they should have to start getting their parents and stuff to pay me for the week when they drop off their little interns every Monday morning! We can change the name of the building from — to Kim O’Brien’s Sexxy Sexxy Daycare! Ha! I LOVE THAT!

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The first lesson? Looking FABULOUS!

Kim O’Brien Says: there is only room in Chicago for ONE queen!!!

Sex and Chicago
By Kim O’Brien
Madison and I went to the park today and we were watching the yoga people again and Madison looked at me and said, Mama, I want dinner now, well, she didn’t really say that but she did kind of bark a little or whatever and I know what that means because I can speak a little bit of doggie every now and then. So I went to take Madison back home and she was like uh uh, not going to do it! Like she just didn’t want to move or anything! And so I was like, Madison I am not your slave so now you do what I saw because we’re going in because you already said that was what you wanted to do and then do you know what that little brat dog did? She went to sleep. Stupid dog. I swear, one second it’s like, let’s go inside and then the next it’s like, I changed my mind, bitch! What is wrong with my little doggy’s head you guys? I need to get her a doggy shrink or something like that so that I don’t have to always be the only one to put up with her when she wants to be a diva. I mean, there is only room in Chicago for ONE queen, and it is already me!


Kimberley O’Brien: Chicago Queen!!!

so Madison the puppy doggy will just hve to wait in line for that throne if you know what I mean! Errr, that doggy makes me so mad sometimes! So we wound up staying in the park until after the sun went down and stuff and I was like, we need to go home now and FINALLY that doggy of mine was like OK, bitch! Let’s go then but I can’t believe that I let my doggy dictate how I spent so much of my time you guys! I am such a sucker, lol! I should really look into a doggy psychologist or something. I hear they do good work with brat dogs like my Madison. Maybe they can get her to do what I say at least once every day or something, because right now that doggy doesn’t do ANYTHING that I say and that’s a fact. It is just crazy! I mean, I’m the human and shes’s the doggy! Did she not get the memo or something! Geez! I wonder how I’m supposed to go about finding a doggy psychologist anyway. Do they just advertise in the paper or something? Or like in the phone books maybe? And how do I make sure that my doggy psychologist is, like, a real doggy psychologist? Is there a good school for that or something? Do they have to pass like a state bar exam or something? I just don’t know, but I do know that I am at my wits end with this brat dog. You hear that Madison! I am at my wits end with you. Don’t you bark at me! Oh, I think she’s barking at the neighbors now or something. YOU NEVER KNOW WITH THAT DOGGY! SHE IS SUCH A DIVA!


Sex and Chicago

By Kim O’Brien

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST LOVE TO PIECES? CHEESEBURGERS! LOL! When someone makes a cheeseburger, right then, you have GOT to stop what you’re doing and give them mad props! Aren’t you proud of me Kevin? LOL! I just had a DINO Burger at this place called Amelie’s Brewery and OH MY GOD IT WAS CRAZY AND GOOD SO MUCH THAT IT WAS CRAZY GOOD YOU GUYS YOU’VE GOT TO TRY ONE! LOL! It was this big tasty cheeseburger, right? I mean, it’s hard to go wrong when you start right off by having one of the best cheeseburgers in town, but then they throw like ALL of this cheese on top and then like a pound of rib eye I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW! LOL! There’s bacon on it and this like roast beef stuff on top of that and it is SO GOOD! And their french fries were out of this world too but you can have the best french fries ever and if they’re sitting next to one of these dinosaur monstrosity burger things then it is totally like HELLOOOOOOO! THIS IS AN AMAZING BURGER! WHAT FRENCH FRIES? OH YEAH, BUT HAVE YOU TRIED THIS CHEESEBURGER? LOL!

Box with a Hamburger and French Fries-kimberley-o'brien-chicago

Kimberley O’Brien: Chicago burger queen!

I should totally rate cheeseburgers in town or something, so here it goes. THE BEST is Amelie’s. YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY THESE THINGS THEY ARE SO CRAZY GOOD! And they are like TOTALLY protein rich or something so they’re probably fine to eat if you’re on South Beach or whatever, I don’t know. I am DIVA NOT A NUTRITIONISTA OR SOMETHING! LOL!



Kim O’Brien: Slave to Bacon, LOL!

You know what you guys? I’m getting hungry again just talking about this stuff. I swear, I probably have a tapeworm or something! LOL! But that’s OK, I keep my tapeworm full of tasty nachos and burgers and my tapeworm keeps me beautiful! LOL! No, I’m kidding you guys. Tapeworms aren’t fun or anything like that.

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Kim O’Brien says: tapeworms are NOT fun, you guys :(